Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
