thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
