I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize