Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
