If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize