I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
