Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
