i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
