There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
i dont even know how to be here
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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