i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
