Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
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