looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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