yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
operation harelip BJ is a go
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
