i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize