What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
