She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
