I want to stick my p in your. b.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
