i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
