all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
