your parents love me but you hate me
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
