i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
