She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
