Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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