Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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