those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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