Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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