Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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