she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
