Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I think your dad took our porno
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
