I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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