butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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