I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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