i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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