I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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