Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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