I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
