he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
