apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
is it fun? or sober?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
