get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
