She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
