u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
