so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
