break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
