HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
