Where did you get a picture of my penis
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
