I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
