One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize