did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I am in a vortex of obligation.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Randomize
