hell yes lets make some ravioli
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
