STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
