Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
