I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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