so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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