the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
