Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
