If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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