Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
