Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Randomize
