suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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