I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize
