I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
