He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
