even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
