I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
i think i scared a bird with my dick
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
