Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
