i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize