why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
